Mao and the iPad

Unemployment log:  Entry date 20130402  Location, in hiding

Long before I arrived on the scene, Jeff was in a relationship with his cat Mao.  No, not that kind of relationship!  Anyway, Jeff and Mao had a pretty good thing going on.  He kept her in kibble, and she kept his feet warm every night.

Naturally when the boys and I moved in everything went to hell.  Mao was given nicknames; Maozerella, Chairwoman Mao of the Feline Republic of Hairballs, and Galactic Princess Snorty McButt Muncher. Her place at the foot of the bed wasn't so secure (I kick and move around more than Jeff does).  There were now kids who wanted to pick her up and carry her around. And the worst thing of all...the vacuum came out of the closet on a more regular basis and was used all around the house.  The vacuum being, of course, Mao's lifelong sworn enemy.  Throughout it all Mao remained dignified and aloof.  Well as aloof as you can be when running around the house in terror at the sound of the vacuum being wheeled out of it's lair.

Mao always remained faithful to Jeff.  We all knew who was number one in her heart.  I might have taken over her care and feeding but I would never take over his place in her life.  Mao always knew when Jeff was coming home.  She could hear his car long before we could, and would go to greet him at the door.  She could be sitting on your lap purring and happy, just a floppy feline mess of joy and contentment, but if Jeff came in the room and sat down, she'd be off your lap and onto his so fast you'd think your pants had caught on fire.

When I brought Shamrock home Mao was...less then pleased.  She'd sit on a chair looking down at the fluffy ball of kitten on the floor and growl her displeasure to anyone who would listen. Mao was especially upset if she could smell the kitten on Jeff.  She would climb up on Jeff's lap and try to rub away the kitten stench all the while growling and complaining about the monster we had brought into the house.  One day Jeff had enough and while holding Mao, he scooped up Shamrock and held them together on his lap.  Every time Mao growled he flicked her head.  Eventually she gave up and accepted the new addition to the house.  But she was not going to give up her spot as Jeff's number one kitty.

Mao is 14 or 15, we're not really sure, but her hunting days are pretty much over.  She can no longer bring half alive tributes to her king.  Instead, she bring him her cat toys.  Every night she scratches at the bedroom door and then starts yowling and growling in triumph over the cat toy she has deposited in the doorway.  I try to hide them but I think that just makes it more fun for her.  She is so proud when I get up and let her in, she doesn't even mind that it's not Jeff receiving the tribute and letting her in the room.  She still scales Jeff's side of the bed and settles in next to him happy as can be.

Everyone was happy with this arrangement, except me who had to get out of bed in the middle of the night every night.  Then we did something that had the kind of unforeseen consequences you'd only see in a low budget film.  We bought an iPad.  The iPad I am using right now to tell you this story.  I can't even remember why we bought it, but the day we brought it home I knew we'd done something...wrong...weird...both.

That first night Jeff put the iPad on the shelf of the headboard where he sleeps.  When I got up at 2 am to let Mao in with her latest "gift" she climbed up the side of the bed and instead of heading for Jeff's feet she went and sat by his head.  She sniffed the air a bunch if times and started walking back and forth across the top of Jeff's pillow.  This naturally woke Jeff up. He picked her up and tossed her toward the foot of the bed.  Mao was not put off so easily, she immediately walked back up the length of Jeff's body just getting off of him when she reached his shoulder.  Jeff flung out an arm and trapped her next to him promptly going back to sleep.

In the morning when we woke up, Mao was wedged between Jeff's pillow and the headboard with her head smashed up against the case do the iPad. She was snoring contentedly.  Later that day when Jeff took out the iPad to do some programming Mao followed him.  Not to sit on his lap as she usually did, but to rub herself against the iPad.  I remember snorting with laughter from the other room as I listened to them fight.  Every single time she climbs onto the bed now she heads straight for the iPad on the headboard.  It's like a Mao magnet, she can't help herself.  Everywhere the iPad goes she goes.  I don't know if the previous owners were catnip farmers or if they had a million cats but whatever they did or had it obviously soaked into this iPad.

Right now I am sitting on the bathroom floor, having barricaded myself in here.  Mao has spent the last ten minutes laying outside the door with her paw stretched out under the door flexing her toes.  Kind of like a child reaching into the far corner under her bed for a lost toy.  Frankly I am a bit scared.  I think this is an early sign of feline dementia. Or a sudden onset of Cat OCD because she's certainly gone all COCkeD for this damn machine.

Until Jeff gets home with a four sleeved straight jacket I'll be hiding in the tub.